| Ahhh... |
[23 Jun 2005|02:43pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
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music |
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None |
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Ahhh.... Sleeping in... No drama... no tests... no quizzes... hey, if quizzes are quizzicals... what are tests? *giggles* I know thats old, but hey... <3 I love not having school. Of course, i do get the chores LOADED on... *sighs* I still havent finished them... Oh well. Life goes on. And now im going to go finish them. Cause life for other people goes on... My life? Would end ubruptly.
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| Arg... |
[19 Jun 2005|05:56pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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Passive: A Perfect Circle |
] |
Lets see. Arg. Pirates say Arg. Sara says Arg. Is Sara a Pirate? Or a dirty pirate hooker?(inside joke) *giggles* No really thats not what im arging about. I feel like... a whore. Really I do. CR... please please please IM me...
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| WOAH! |
[16 Jun 2005|10:37pm] |
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mood |
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crazy |
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music |
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None (still) |
] |
Blast from the not so past! I was online, yeah it happened like 5 minutes ago, and remember when i was talking to a kid named Jeremy? Met him on the plane? Yeah, well we sorta just stopped talking... and he signed online! And now were talking again! <3
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| Stole this from CR |
[16 Jun 2005|01:06pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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The clicking of my keyboard |
] |
If this article is serious . . . then I have been goth for years . . . Yes, I think everyone should have the pleasure of reading this article mainly for its entertainment value.
Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.
-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays video games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center."
Who the hell would have guessed i was goth?
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| Happy: Mudvayne |
[16 Jun 2005|11:56am] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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music |
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Again, Guess... |
] |
In this hole
That is me
The dead are rolling over
In this hole
Thickening
Dirt shoveled over shoulders
I feel it in me
So overwhelmed
All this pressure centerizing
My life overturned
Unfair the despare
All these scars keep ripping open
Peel me from the skin
Tear meat from the rind
Does it make you happy now?
Tear meat from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?
In this hole
That is me
A life that's growing feeble
In this hole
So limiting
The sun has set; all darkens
Buried underneath
Hands slip off the wheel
Internal path-way to contention
Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?
Tear meat from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?
Are you
HAPPY
Are you
HAPPY
Are you feeling happy?
In this hole
That is me
Left with a heart exhausted
What's my release??
What sets me free?
Do you pull me up just to push me down again?
Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?
Tear meat from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy?
Peel me from the skiiiiiiiiiin
Peel me from the skiiiiiiiiiin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?
Tear me from the boooooooooone
Tear me from the boooooooooone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy?
Does it make you happy?
Are you feeling happy?
Are you fucking happy?
Now that I'm lost left with nothing
Does it make you happy?
Are you feeling happy?
Are you fucking happy?
Now that I'm lost left with nothing?
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| Seether: Remedy |
[16 Jun 2005|11:52am] |
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mood |
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crazy |
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music |
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Take a guess... ^-^ |
] |
Throw your dollar bills and leave your thrills all here with me
And speak but don't pretend I won't defend you anymore you see
It aches in every bone, I'll die alone, but not for you
My eyes don't need to see that ugly thing, I know it's me you fear
If you want me hold me back
Frail, the skin is dry and pale, the pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high, just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
I don't need a friend, I need to mend so far away
So come sit by the fire and play a while, but you can't stay too long
It aches in every bone, I'll die alone, but not for pleasure
I see my heart explode, it's been eroded by the weather here
If you want me hold me back
Frail, the skin is dry and pale, the pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high, just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
Frail, the skin is dry and pale, the pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high, just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
Hold your eyes closed, take me in
Hold your eyes closed, take me in
Frail, the skin is dry and pale, the pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high, just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
Frail, the skin is dry and pale, the pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high, just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "You'll be the death of me"
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| Hmmm |
[16 Jun 2005|11:41am] |
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mood |
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loved |
] |
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music |
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Seether: Remedy |
] |
Well now im trying to catch up... I dont exactly know where i left off... But yeah... Summer man. And God do i have a lot of chores! *eyes pop out of head* I woke up this morning thinking, "Great... wonder what my non paying job will be" and when i read the list... i think i almost fainted. But, I did it all, thank god, and now im enjoying a loverly ham sandwich. ^.^ Which reminds me, yesterday, i made pancakes! EDIBLE PANCAKES!
An for those of you who have noticed, or even care, yes, My avatar does have meaning. I'm lost in a sea of everyone else. I dont know who i am anymore. Im just a mix of all my friends, and possibly lies. THis summer, im cleaning out my inventory. Im going to be me. *nods* Yes indeed. I will. So I'm sorry if when school starts, or sometime over the summer you've noticed i've changed, and you dont like it. Kiss my ass. Thats probably a little bit of the real me showing through. *smiles sweetly*
Though, I have been getting... help... from a loverly person on Gaia... whom i hadn't talked to in forever, and now that we're talking again, its like nothings changed. And he's already helped me to see one thing about myself. Aless says that i always rush into relationships, and i always end up getting hurt. Well, thats just who i am. I might get hurt alot, but at least i'm not afraid to try and love again, or try and look for love again. Its who i am. Im not afraid of relationships, in fact, i love relationships. I love, well, Love.
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| Woah |
[15 Jun 2005|07:32pm] |
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mood |
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crazy |
] |
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music |
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That 70's show theme on the TV in the other room |
] |
Long time no post... i guess im sorta back now... Summer started a few days ago... Can you beleive it? Im a junior! I got my schedual in the mail. I got into all my classes! Advance painting, advanced drawing, Astronomy, world lit, algebra 2 (not that I want to be in that), Gym (cause i didnt take it last year), and some other classes that i cant remember cause i never cared... ^.^ Hee hee hee....
Anyways... im sorta busy, so yeah...
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| Me? |
[29 Apr 2005|02:56pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
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None |
] |
Advanced Global Personality Test Results | Extraversion | |||||||||||||| | 53% | | Stability | |||||||||| | 33% | | Orderliness | |||||||||||| | 46% | | Empathy | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Interdependence | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Intellectual | |||||||||| | 36% | | Mystical | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Artistic | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Religious | |||| | 16% | | Hedonism | |||||| | 30% | | Materialism | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Narcissism | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Adventurousness | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Work ethic | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Self absorbed | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Conflict seeking | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Need to dominate | |||||||||||| | 50% | | | Romantic | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Avoidant | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Anti-authority | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Wealth | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Dependency | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Change averse | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Cautiousness | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Individuality | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Sexuality | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Peter pan complex | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Physical security | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Food indulgent | |||||||||| | 36% | | Histrionic | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Paranoia | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Vanity | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Hypersensitivity | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Female cliche | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | |
| Take Free Advanced Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
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| Feeling Low... |
[29 Apr 2005|02:28pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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Passive: A Perfect Circle |
] |
*sigh* Everyone is hooking up with someone special... all except me... I swear... I think theres somethign wrong with me... Am I not appealing to guys or something? Am I not smart enough? Too Smart? Not pretty enough? Not skinny enough? Too skinny? Do I wear too much make up? Or not enough make up? Not popular enough? Too weird? Not weird enough? Tell me if you know... cause its driving me insane...
In other news... I went to Aless's Dance Benifit for her mother... It was fun. Laura went, and Andy too... So much fun <3 That is, untill Aless's devil cousin pushed me off of the piano bench and my hand collided with the piano. *sigh* Now I have an ace bandage around my wrist and it hurts to write, draw... basically anything that involved my hands... even typing...
Wednesday I went on the Broadway trip to Wicked... It was alot of fun... But I swear im going to skewer Nikki's eyes out nad make her eat them... Steve and I were supposed to hang out that day, but nooooo-oooo. Nikki had to hang on him all day. Then when we actually were sitting near eachother durring the performance (long story short... I couldn't find my seat, so I sat next to him, which happened to be a chaperones seat, and she was going to switch with me, but the prinicpal wouldnt let her) So Yeah, I was getting up to move and she looked all sad and shit untill Steve looked away, then she smirked. She freaking SMIRKED!
All right.... My wrist hurts alot... and im done ranting anyways... Off to go wallow in self pity...
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| Im not that girl |
[28 Apr 2005|04:06pm] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
] |
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music |
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Im not that Girl: Wicked Soundtrack |
] |
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl
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| The Hand that Feeds:NIN |
[25 Apr 2005|04:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 Emotionless |
] |
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music |
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Sick Love Song |
] |
You're keeping in step
In the line
Got your chin held high and you feel just fine
Because you do
What you're told
But inside your heart it is black and it's hollow and it's cold
Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?
What if this whole crusade's
A charade
And behind it all there's a price to be paid
For the blood
On which we dine
Justified in the name of the holy and the divine
Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?
So naive
I keep holding on to what I want to believe
I can see
But I keep holding on and on and on and on
Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?
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| Passive: A Perfect Circle |
[25 Apr 2005|04:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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jealous |
] |
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music |
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Passive: A Perfect Circle |
] |
“Dead as dead can be,” my doctor tells me
But I just can’t believe him, ever the optimistic one
I’m sure of your ability to become my perfect enemy
Wake up and face me, don’t play dead cause maybe
Someday I will walk away and say, “You disappoint me,”
Maybe you’re better off this way
Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been
It's your right and your ability. stlyrics
To become…my perfect enemy…
Wake up (we'll catch you) and face me (come one now),
Don’t play dead (don't play dead)
Cause maybe (because maybe)
Someday I’ll (someday I'll) walk away and say, “You disappoint me,”
Maybe you’re better off this way
Maybe you’re better off this way
Maybe you’re better off this way
Maybe you’re better off this way
You’re better of this; you’re better off this;
Maybe you’re better off!
Wake up (can't you) and face me (come on now),
Don’t play dead (don't play dead)
Cause maybe (because maybe)
Someday I’ll (someday I'll) walk away and say, “You fucking disappoint me!”
Maybe you’re better off this way
Go ahead and play dead
I know that you can hear this
Go ahead and play dead
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn and face me?
You fucking disappoint me!
Passive aggressive bullshit
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| Score: Life 5000000; Sara: 0 |
[25 Apr 2005|04:11pm] |
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mood |
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rejected |
] |
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music |
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CCR:Have you ever seen the rain? |
] |
It always happens to me? Why??! I've lost again. Worst part? I had to lie and be all calm and cool about it. "I'm thinking about dating Sarah..."
~on the inside... "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM??! Am i not good enough? Popular enough?"
~on the outside... "Well If you like her, date her. Im not going to hate you for it. I'm not like that. As long as we can still hang out and be friends, im fine with it."
I've been wearing this fake smile all day. Its like; I knew it was coming... i knew i was going to lose. Theres no way to win against perfection. But Goddamnit. Why does it have to hurt so much? I saw him in the hall today, he tickled my tummy... It was so hard to keep from crying. I know "theres other fish in the sea" But what if I dont want another fish right now? I know what fish I want, and I'm obviously not a good enough fisherman... fishergirl... whatever...
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[16 Apr 2005|10:11pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
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music |
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That Girl: Lindsay Lohan |
] |
There was a girl I knew who always wanted to be the one to stand out from the crowd
Always believed that she was gonna live her dreams
That what went down was gonna come around
For all the doubters, non-believers, the cynicals that once were dreamers
One of these days you'll open up your eyes
And you'll realize
That girl was a one time teenage drama queen
A hot, tough everyday wannabee
But she'll have changed her destiny
Now she's a somebody
That girl was a wild child dreamer but she found herself
'Cause she believes in nothin' else
And you'll look back and you won't believe
That girl was me
Armed with an attitude that she knows how to use
She's gonna get there any way she can
Now she knows what she wants
No one is gonna stop her
Nothing's ever gonna hold her down
For all the doubters, non-believers the cynicle that once were dreamers
One of these days you'll know that you were wrong (who would've know)
That girl was a one time teenage drama queen
A hot, tough everyday wannabee
But she'll have changed her destiny
Now she's a somebody
That girl was a wild child dreamer but she found herself
'Cause she believes in nothin' else
And you'll look back and you won't believe
That girl was me
[Spoken]
Life is a work of art- you gotta paint it colorful
Can make it anything you want
Don't have to stick to any rules
You don't need a high IQ to succeed in what you do
You just gotta have no doubt just believe in yourself
Doubters, non-believers, once were dreamers
One of these days you'll open up your eyes
And you'll realize
That girl was a one time teenage drama queen
A hot, tough everyday wannabee
But she'll have changed her destiny
Now she's a somebody
That girl was a wild child dreamer but she found herself
'Cause she believes in nothin' else
And you'll look back and you won't believe
That girl was me
That girl was a one time teenage drama queen
A hot, tough everyday wannabee
But she'll have changed her destiny
Now she's a somebody
That girl was a wild child dreamer but she found herself
'Cause she believes in nothin' else
And you'll look back and you won't believe
That girl was me
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| Crazy... |
[15 Apr 2005|04:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Insane |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Rumours: Lindsay Lohan |
] |
OMG! Today was crazy. Wednesday, my school has a Gay straight Alliance, and they were silent for the day.. it was like national Gay day or something... but whatever... today, a few guys wore shirts that said "Its Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" and on the back had a bible passage that said "Do not lay with a man like you lay with a woman, it is intolerable." In the begginging of the day, it was like, 50 50, people were apllauding them, and people were calling them ass holes... and then BAM people start freaking, blowing it way outta proportion... they were just voicing their opinion like the GSA did... Now, me, I'm on the fence with the entire thing, I'm straight, and dont really care what gays do, cause a few of my friends are gay/les/bi, and it doenst bother me as long as they dont try to involve me in it. But yeah, channel 3 was at our school interveiwing people, and lawyers... wow... Steve was one of em... called me and was like "Im not answering my phone... hate calls are coming in..." I wa th first one he called, which made me feel special, cause it made me think maybe miss perfect wont win... ^.^ And then yeah... big day...
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| Ultimate: Lindsay Lohan |
[14 Apr 2005|04:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 grumpy |
] |
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music |
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Ultimate: Lindsay Lohan |
] |
You're the kind of friend who always bends when I'm broken
Like remember when
You took my heart and put it back together again
I've been wasting time with clueless guys
But now it's over
Let me tell you why
I'm through
I've meet someone new
Who's just like you
You're it
You're the ultimate
It's automatic.
I'm sure of it
No lie
So don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy
Cuz I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it
You're the ultimate, you
You're the kind of guy who's hands and mind send shivers up and down my spine
You took my heart and put it back together again.
You're the kind of guy that blows my mind
But now it's my turn
You've been right in front of me
Everything I need
Why didn't i see
You're it
You're the ultimate
It's Automatic.
I'm sure of it
No lie
So don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy
Cuz I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it
You're the ultimate, you
[Guitar Playing]
You're it
You're the ultimate
It's automatic
I'm sure of it
No lie
So don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy
Cuz I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it
You're the ultimate, you
You're it
You're the ultimate, you....
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| Wow... long time, lotsa stuffs.... |
[14 Apr 2005|02:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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You Learn: Alanis Morrisette |
] |
Well, lets see... whats been goin on? Loads of stuffs. I actually like her. I dunno why, but i hated her, then i faked being her friend, and now, i find, i actually like her. She's not that bad. And I think i've learned when shes trying something, so i know what to beleive and what not to beleive. So i guess thats fixed. And then with another friend, i feel like theres something shes not telling me, or im just not asking the right questions...I dunno how to get her to tell me whats wrong or what shes thinking... she seems mad, not at me, well... me individually, but everyone. I can understand why she might be... but i dont wanna jump to conclusions. Pennell emailed my mother and told her i was drawing durring class... which is a lie... I was reading! ^.^ But i'll just leave that out... Had a test today...I was the first one done... not sure if thats good or bad... guess i'll have to wait and find out...
Hmmm Guy issues... Lets see... i think a friend of mine...well... hes sorta a friend... hes more of a friend of a friend... but anyways... hes really cute... and I dont really know him, but i'd like to get to know him... turns out, he doesnt even know who i am, my name, nothing. So I dont stand a chance in that race. *sighs* Then theres Guy number two. I've had a crush on him for a while... like... 6th grade? On and off sorta thing... dont think i was hung up on him forever.. but hes amazing. And I've discovered that im compeating with little miss perfect. Shes everything im not, shes tall, pretty, athletic, smart, and popular, or well, just popular enough to be at the same social standing as him. She fits him perfectly, and they've already been on like five dates. I should just drop outta the race. I dont stand a chance in that one either... *sigh... again*
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littledeathbird's journal
